wonderment personified

Mere words could not describe the intensity of my love for her, the greatness of my admiration for her strength and my idolization of her kind heart.

But if there is one thing that I could not do, it is to look into my mother's eyes. Whenever I look into those tired eyes I can see the pain, exhaustion and patience of a martyr that is well covered by her cheerful and happy personality. Indeed, she hides it well. I never did have the courage to see all the hardship she's been through to keep the family together and raise five mischievous children. And realize that she isn't getting any younger. She's not getting any stronger or healthier, too. Her age has taken it's toll on her. You can see it all in those eyes. So, I tend to look elsewhere whenever I'm talking to my mother. Anywhere but those tired eyes. I just couldn't bear it.

My mother is by far the most wonderful person I have ever known. The most wonderful person anyone can ever have as a mother (but of course, everybody will say the same thing about their mother). She will always be that most wonderful person to me. And I'm not sure that I can ever be even close to half the person she is now. For my sisters, my brothers and I, her actions has always been a reminder to be kind and courteous. To forgive and forget. And she has been the best example we can refer to.

Looking back, I know I have done so many wrongs to her. I owe her my time, attention and so much more. I don't know if I will ever have the guts to say to her what I'm writing here but I know that sooner or later she will read this as she is my devoted reader.

Ma, for all this 19 years of living I am sorry for the times I did not spend with you, the words that have broken your heart, the things I did not do and the things I did do that made you want to pinch my ear.

How I really, really miss resting my head on her lap, her soothing hugs and how happy and secure she made me feel by just being there. Not forgetting her perfect spaghetti, lasagna, muffins, chicken pie and mayo macaroni that will make you drool.

Really looking forward to seeing her end of this month. Can't wait!

Love you Ma,

2 flew over the cuckoo's nest:

Farani Mustafa said...

aah. now i get it.

Ka Ann Nor Raihan said...

I'm speechless dear.#sobbing# I love you forever dunia akhirat, come what may, unconditionally.

P/S : I love you.

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