words in pointless form.

i can be very emotional.
and when i'm being that emotional wreck i would usually prefer to be alone.
i would rather keep quiet.
because only in such silence i can hear myself think.
and being silent has become a therapy.
a habit during those wobbly times, to be exact.
and i have become used to that sound.
the sound of nothingness.
nothing but the thoughts in my head.

i can be very expressive.
and when i'm being expressive i always know what i'm saying.
until i reach the point where nothing i say makes sense.
when words could no longer portray how i feel inside.
for those times, i would cry.
because that is the only way i know left to let it go.
the only outlet for what has built up inside me.
and i hate to be seen crying.
so i would rather be alone.

i can be very simple.
i could care less about the things that would bother me.
about the things that contradict happiness and peace.
as long as i know what is going on around me.
as long as i know the truth, no matter how bitter it is.
or else, i would make assumptions.
speculations that can either be true or false.
my imagination can go beyond expectations.
when that happens, i can turn so complicated people would not understand me.
and to avoid any complications with the communication i have with people, i would choose to be alone.

i am so used to being alone.
so used to handling things myself.
in my own way.
because i used to be alone.
i used to handle things myself.
in my own way.

i guess i am so accustomed to being independent that i forget.
i forget that i now have people around me.
people that actually care.
people that actually worry.
and during those emotional times where the only thing i think about is my selfish self and the little things that bother me, i unintentionally ignored them.
and i'm sorry.

if i were in a more sane state, this is what i would really say:

thank you for staying by my side. even though it seemed like i didn't want you there.
the truth is i needed it. so i know that whatever happens, you will be there for me.

thank you for holding my hand all the way through. even though i didn't hold yours back.
the truth is i didn't have the strength. but at least i know that when i reach the point of giving up, you will never let me.

thank you for singing through those silent moments. even though i'm used to the sound of nothingness.
the truth is it's actually calming. and it reminds me that i'm not alone anymore.

2 flew over the cuckoo's nest:

Kaiser DeVasto™ said...

walaupun kiter raser kosong dan diabaikan atau dilupakan...ingatlah kiter sentiasa mempunyai teman yang akan sentiasa berada di sisi dikala senang dan susah dikala suka dan duka...truth does hurt all the time but its better than believing in lies that only make us live in a dream...dinda, ingat semua pesan kanda yang always remind yourself about negative thoughts so that you will always be prepared...P/s mungkin teman selalu datang dan pergi tapi cik kopi o takkan pergi sebab dye memang muka tak tahu malu n degil sangat2...

mocQachinno said...

encik kopi o,
thanx for everything, dear! =]

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