after long years of waiting for the right guy to appear, he finally did. he managed - without a doubt - to win my heart fair and square without even knowing it. it's the first time ever i am unmistakably certain that i fell in love. call me cheesy, naive or whatever you want but yeah..he was my first love in 17 years of living.

he's not perfect (well, nobody is) but he has the right amount of imperfection to go with his beautiful mind and his golden heart. his personality alone was enough to make me fall for him but, still, he never fail to captivate me with his casually smart way of dressing up.

he became my friend. we would talk about things and share our interests. his ideas always amuse me. i'm usually comfortable talking to most people but with him i must admit, i can feel my heart racing. trust me, i didn't think this kinda thing actually happen too - until it really did.

unfortunately, i only get to know him for a little while. it was only for about a month - enough to make me notice him but not enough for us to know each other better. i was just starting to know him. then he told me that he's going away. he was going to further his studies someplace else. i was devastated. of course i wished he'd never go. but who am i to stop him from achieving his goals? i'm just a girl that he happens to know for a mere month. i figured that wasn't enough.

as frustrating as it is to know that he was leaving, it was worse when i found out later that he already had a girlfriend. they've been together for two years. heck, the girl has even met his mom. at that point i knew i had to back off. i didn't want to be the one who caused a stir in their relationship. they seemed happy together and i hope they will always stay that way. i really do. i still miss him though...his voice, his smile and everything about him and after he left there wasn't a day that goes without me remembering him. it's not because i purposely want to but it's just that every place i go and everything i do reminds me of him. but i've decided to keep everything to myself and stop any contact that i have with him.

if anything, it made me realize that we don't always get what we want. no matter how bad we want it, we can't take what's others'. i'm sure things happen for a reason. if it wasn't for our happiness, it was for others'...and sometimes by making others happy we can be happy too. i thank god for granting me with serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

(invictus means invincible. this inspiring poem was written by William Ernest Henley)

Have you ever had a dream that seem so real when you woke up you don't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true, wasn't; and what you thought wasn't true, was. Would you retreat your dreams in the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream and the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection you are not alone.

How do you choose what to believe and what not to? How do you tell right from wrong or the other way around? Sometimes people can recognize the truth out of pure instinct; other times they just go wherever their hearts lead them; but mostly, they simply believe what they want to believe, and they'll end up either being grateful that they've made the right choice or regretting their mistakes of trusting the untrue.

Abraham Lincoln once said that

'You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.'

He's got a point there. We all have lied once or twice in our life, maybe more for others. Admit it. Sometimes we lie to protect the ones we love; sometimes we lie to protect ourselves. Be it a white lie or a diabolical one, eventually, the truth will find its way to uncover itself. In the end, it's up to you, your beliefs and your faith to decide what is to believe, and the rest goes from there.

I quote Henry James,

'Be not afraid of life, believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.'

7 blunders of the world according to MAHATMA GANDHI

Mahatma Gandhi said that there are 7 blunders of the world. Yes. 7 things that can possibly destroy the world and everything in it. It is everywhere. You can easily find one, if not several, of the 7 blunders of the world around you. What are they, you asked?

The 7 BLUNDERS OF THE WORLD are:

1. wealth WITHOUT work
2. pleasure WITHOUT conscience
3. knowledge WITHOUT character
4. commerce WITHOUT morality
5. science WITHOUT humanity
6. worship WITHOUT sacrifice
7. politics WITHOUT principle

Most of you would probably agree with Mr. Gandhi right now - after knowing what the 7 destructive things are. Wealth, pleasure, knowledge, commerce, science, worship and politics. Those are the things that we actually work hard to gain. They are the 7 things entrusted to mankind so they can help us make the world a better place to live in if they are managed wisely.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.
Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us would rather turn around and go back.
But once in a while people push on to something better - something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.
Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.

Hensel once said to Gretel,

"Let us drop this breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home."

Because losing your way would be the most cruelest things. Losing your way in a journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.

I went on a journey not too long ago. The journey lasted 18 months. Sometimes I travelled alone, sometimes there are others who took the wheel, and took my heart, but when the destination was reached it wasn't me who'd arrived. Wasn't me at all.

You see, once you lose yourself you have 2 choices: Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you're meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.

George Bernard Shaw once wrote,
"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire, the other is to gain it." Clearly he had his heart broken once or twice.

In a way, Shaw was right. As we strained to grasp the things we desire, the things we think will make our lives better, money..popularity..fame, we ignored what truly matters. The simple things like friendship..family..love. The things we probably already had.

But as far as I'm concerned, Shaw was a punk. Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? NO. I realize now that when your heart breaks you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Coz you are. And that pain you feel...that's life. The confusion and fear...that's there to remind you that somewhere out there there's something better and that something is worth fighting for.

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic but gaining your heart's desire.. it's all you can hope for. Last year I wished for happiness and a friendship i can hold on to for life. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic then give me tragedy because I wouldn't give it back for the world.