he's not mine

after long years of waiting for the right guy to appear, he finally did. he managed - without a doubt - to win my heart fair and square without even knowing it. it's the first time ever i am unmistakably certain that i fell in love. call me cheesy, naive or whatever you want but yeah..he was my first love in 17 years of living.

he's not perfect (well, nobody is) but he has the right amount of imperfection to go with his beautiful mind and his golden heart. his personality alone was enough to make me fall for him but, still, he never fail to captivate me with his casually smart way of dressing up.

he became my friend. we would talk about things and share our interests. his ideas always amuse me. i'm usually comfortable talking to most people but with him i must admit, i can feel my heart racing. trust me, i didn't think this kinda thing actually happen too - until it really did.

unfortunately, i only get to know him for a little while. it was only for about a month - enough to make me notice him but not enough for us to know each other better. i was just starting to know him. then he told me that he's going away. he was going to further his studies someplace else. i was devastated. of course i wished he'd never go. but who am i to stop him from achieving his goals? i'm just a girl that he happens to know for a mere month. i figured that wasn't enough.

as frustrating as it is to know that he was leaving, it was worse when i found out later that he already had a girlfriend. they've been together for two years. heck, the girl has even met his mom. at that point i knew i had to back off. i didn't want to be the one who caused a stir in their relationship. they seemed happy together and i hope they will always stay that way. i really do. i still miss him though...his voice, his smile and everything about him and after he left there wasn't a day that goes without me remembering him. it's not because i purposely want to but it's just that every place i go and everything i do reminds me of him. but i've decided to keep everything to myself and stop any contact that i have with him.

if anything, it made me realize that we don't always get what we want. no matter how bad we want it, we can't take what's others'. i'm sure things happen for a reason. if it wasn't for our happiness, it was for others'...and sometimes by making others happy we can be happy too. i thank god for granting me with serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can and wisdom to know the difference.

honestly pouring my heart out,
mocQa

2 flew over the cuckoo's nest:

SitiNur said...

Where's the photo? Cant just imagine!

Farani Mustafa said...

Soo near, yet soo far.

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