idiosyncrasies of a lady

Eksistensial Sial

aku ingin memohon maaf. kerana mungkin tak akan ada lagi kata2 di ruangan ini. kerana aku tidak lagi punya hati untuk menulis.

yang lalu biarlah berlalu. aku tiada minat untuk mengadu. tak ada gunanya mereka tahu.

saat aku diuji dengan ujian yang maha dahsyat. saat itulah aku terasa paling keseorangan. benarlah bahawa ada hikmah disebalik setiap kejadian. baru aku tahu siapa itu siapa.

biarlah ia menjadi sebuah eksistensial yang aku harap aku lupa suatu hari nanti.

citric acid cycle

tajuk tak ada kena mengena langsung dengan apa yang aku nak cerita. itu hanya salah satu benda yang aku dok ulang2 sebut dari tadi. sebab aku kena hafal. esok aku punya final exam BIOCHEMISTRY. adeh...aku memang tak berapa nak gemar hafal menghafal ni.

aku teringat masa kat kampung balik beraya ramai2 dengan sepupu sepapat yang berdozen2. kalau nenek nak panggil salah seorang dari cucu2 kesayangan dia, habis semua nama cucu dia sebut. sebutlah nama seorang2 cucu dia sampai yang ke-17 tu baru betul. nak panggil pian tapi ain eli ika awin semua dia sebut. gila comel nenek aku. tapi apa kena mengena nenek aku dengan citric acid cycle?

sekarang baru aku faham perasaan nenek aku kena hafal banyak2 nama. aku pun dah jadi macam nenek aku dah. banyak sangat nama nak kena ingat sampai terbelit2 neuron aku. baru sekejap tadi urat aku tersimpul. nasib baik tak simpul mati. kira boleh lagi aku leraikan balik. macam mana la kalau nama2 yang aku hafal ni aku bagi kat cucu2 aku nanti. nanti masa aku nak panggil cucu aku habis semua aku sebut. glyceraldehyde, glycerate, glutamate, phosphate, lambda karbaminohemoglobin padahal yang aku nak panggil cucu bongsu aku pyruvate. boleh cramp lidah aku on the way nak sampai kat nama dia.

korang dah nampak kan apa effect menghafal pada aku. tak pasal2 aku merepek kat sini. dah2. aku nak sambung balik study. tinggal esok paper terakhir aku. lepas tu apa lagi. HUHHHAA!!

is that how it's gonna be?

terbaca blog seseorang
yang terguris hatinya oleh sahabat sendiri
lalu aku tertanya2
itukah nasibku nanti?

PS: sorry for the temporary abandonment of my blog. my mood to write went on a holiday trip to Barbados.

i just said the hardest NO

I talked to a very dear friend of mine very recently. He often calls and we would talk about things. I guess I'm kinda like his confidante. But life really knows how to surprise you when you least expect it. He always confide. So, when I was answering his call I never expected that I would be hearing something else. A confession.

It really stunned me. For a long moment I didn't know what to say and when I finally figured out an answer I was struggling for a way to say it. I was looking for a way to explain. How do I say it without hurting his feelings? Saying no to a complete stranger is easy. Saying no to someone you hate is even easier. But saying no to someone you know so well and cared about so much is the hardest thing to do. At least for me, it is.

I said it anyway. Trying my best to explain. Choosing my words carefully so as not to hurt him. I do love him. The way a sister loves a brother. I couldn't picture us being anything more than that. It was totally platonic. And I had to let him know that. So I did.

I know he will be reading this sooner or later. That is why I'm posting this. I want him to know that I'm truly sorry if somehow my words managed to find their way to hurt him. I appreciate the courage. I know it wasn't easy. He said things will not be the same again. At least not for now. For that, I want him to know that whenever he is ready to call me a friend again, I will be right here. Always trying to reply his "hye"s. Always willing to hear his stories. Always happy to be his friend.

Again, I'm really sorry.

did this out of boredom

Hey peeps, get this. I found it through the internet.

The song with the longest title is "I'm a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin' Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues" written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943.

Try saying that three times non-stop. I dare you!

*maniacal laugh*

Dear You,

i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i was sure
that following my heart was the right thing to do
NOW I'M JUST LOST
because my heart seems to be wrong

*sigh*

i hope it's easier this time.

Dear Heart, no more games. Please.

PS: To Senandika, I'm really liking the crew members of the next production and the new line of MTs for the group. I'm hoping for the BESTEST BEST in the future. It'll be fun working together again, like always. CHAIYOK2! \(*_*)/