Eksistensial Sial

aku ingin memohon maaf. kerana mungkin tak akan ada lagi kata2 di ruangan ini. kerana aku tidak lagi punya hati untuk menulis.

yang lalu biarlah berlalu. aku tiada minat untuk mengadu. tak ada gunanya mereka tahu.

saat aku diuji dengan ujian yang maha dahsyat. saat itulah aku terasa paling keseorangan. benarlah bahawa ada hikmah disebalik setiap kejadian. baru aku tahu siapa itu siapa.

biarlah ia menjadi sebuah eksistensial yang aku harap aku lupa suatu hari nanti.

citric acid cycle

tajuk tak ada kena mengena langsung dengan apa yang aku nak cerita. itu hanya salah satu benda yang aku dok ulang2 sebut dari tadi. sebab aku kena hafal. esok aku punya final exam BIOCHEMISTRY. adeh...aku memang tak berapa nak gemar hafal menghafal ni.

aku teringat masa kat kampung balik beraya ramai2 dengan sepupu sepapat yang berdozen2. kalau nenek nak panggil salah seorang dari cucu2 kesayangan dia, habis semua nama cucu dia sebut. sebutlah nama seorang2 cucu dia sampai yang ke-17 tu baru betul. nak panggil pian tapi ain eli ika awin semua dia sebut. gila comel nenek aku. tapi apa kena mengena nenek aku dengan citric acid cycle?

sekarang baru aku faham perasaan nenek aku kena hafal banyak2 nama. aku pun dah jadi macam nenek aku dah. banyak sangat nama nak kena ingat sampai terbelit2 neuron aku. baru sekejap tadi urat aku tersimpul. nasib baik tak simpul mati. kira boleh lagi aku leraikan balik. macam mana la kalau nama2 yang aku hafal ni aku bagi kat cucu2 aku nanti. nanti masa aku nak panggil cucu aku habis semua aku sebut. glyceraldehyde, glycerate, glutamate, phosphate, lambda karbaminohemoglobin padahal yang aku nak panggil cucu bongsu aku pyruvate. boleh cramp lidah aku on the way nak sampai kat nama dia.

korang dah nampak kan apa effect menghafal pada aku. tak pasal2 aku merepek kat sini. dah2. aku nak sambung balik study. tinggal esok paper terakhir aku. lepas tu apa lagi. HUHHHAA!!

is that how it's gonna be?



terbaca blog seseorang

yang terguris hatinya oleh sahabat sendiri
lalu aku tertanya2
itukah nasibku nanti?




PS: sorry for the temporary abandonment of my blog. my mood to write went on a holiday trip to Barbados.

i just said the hardest NO

I talked to a very dear friend of mine very recently. He often calls and we would talk about things. I guess I'm kinda like his confidante. But life really knows how to surprise you when you least expect it. He always confide. So, when I was answering his call I never expected that I would be hearing something else. A confession.

It really stunned me. For a long moment I didn't know what to say and when I finally figured out an answer I was struggling for a way to say it. I was looking for a way to explain. How do I say it without hurting his feelings? Saying no to a complete stranger is easy. Saying no to someone you hate is even easier. But saying no to someone you know so well and cared about so much is the hardest thing to do. At least for me, it is.

I said it anyway. Trying my best to explain. Choosing my words carefully so as not to hurt him. I do love him. The way a sister loves a brother. I couldn't picture us being anything more than that. It was totally platonic. And I had to let him know that. So I did.

I know he will be reading this sooner or later. That is why I'm posting this. I want him to know that I'm truly sorry if somehow my words managed to find their way to hurt him. I appreciate the courage. I know it wasn't easy. He said things will not be the same again. At least not for now. For that, I want him to know that whenever he is ready to call me a friend again, I will be right here. Always trying to reply his "hye"s. Always willing to hear his stories. Always happy to be his friend.

Again, I'm really sorry.


did this out of boredom

Hey peeps, get this. I found it through the internet.

The song with the longest title is "I'm a Cranky Old Yank in a Clanky Old Tank on the Streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu Mama Doin' Those Beat-o, Beat-o Flat-On-My-Seat-o, Hirohito Blues" written by Hoagy Carmichael in 1943.

Try saying that three times non-stop. I dare you!

*maniacal laugh*

Dear You,



i thought i knew what i wanted
i thought i was sure
that following my heart was the right thing to do
NOW I'M JUST LOST
because my heart seems to be wrong



*sigh*

i hope it's easier this time.


Dear Heart, no more games. Please.



PS: To Senandika, I'm really liking the crew members of the next production and the new line of MTs for the group. I'm hoping for the BESTEST BEST in the future. It'll be fun working together again, like always. CHAIYOK2! \(*_*)/


selamat malam seluruh alam

rabak mata menjaga takungan air dari pecah.

berombak dada menahan sebak tak kebah2.

sesak nafas melemaskan diri yang hampir rebah.



tidak.

mereka tak boleh tahu.

biar hancur tulang-temulang memikul beban di bahu.

sikit pun mereka tak perlu tahu.



pejam mata.

tarik nafas dalam2.

hembus perlahan2.

senyum.

raya

As I promised, here's the post about my two weeks spent in Brunei. It has been delayed for quite some time since I can't really find the time to write. But I'm trying my best not to let my blog go all dusty.

So I went back to Brunei for this year's Eid and the whole crowd was waiting for me at the arrivals. Papa had to work though, but Mama was there. Aa, Aiman and Adib was there too - all of them now bigger than ever. Bibik was waiting for me at home and Wawa wasn't there because she still needed to answer exam papers back in Malaysia.


As I got home I was surprised to see that there were cats everywhere. Last time I checked there were only four of them. And now they were all over the place. All nine of them. There's Moo, Grille, Puma, Zebra, Fe, Tucson, Ireland, Fifi and Lexus.


This is Lexus. He's the laziest, friendliest, most pampered of all the cats in the house. Oh yes. Speaking of pets, our terrapins - Harry, Ron and Hermione - which used to be only the size of a fifty-cent coin are now humongous and need to be put in the garden outside. Their place is still under construction, I think.

Eid preparations were always the same. Nothing but the usuals: hanging the lights, changing the curtains and cushions, cleaning the house, changing light bulbs, and not forgetting lighting up the pelita every night. Most of it is done by our WonderBIBIK who is 'serbaguna dan tahan lama' but we had our fair share of chores too.


We also went to Uncle Shahdan's restaurant for buka puasa. Uncle Shahdan is a Johorean family friend and I have to mention here that his Laksa Johor is the best. If I were to choose, I'd rather come all the way to Brunei for his Laksa. Well, that and many other super-delicious food he cooks. Again, kudos to you Uncle Shahdan!

Raya was also the usuals. (Mind you, Bruneian 'usuals' is not like what we do here in Malaysia. Their 'usuals' include the whole 30 days of open house and a minimum of 8 pairs of raya attire). We had our open house on the 4th day of Eid and boy was it tiring. People were coming in and out the whole day and so were the whole-chickens as the guests keep on eating whatever they can find on the table. The sugar-cane rice which we learned to make from our neighbor was a big hit too. Thanks to Mufasa Mustafa's dad for that.


So that was pretty much all I did during the two weeks spent there. Raya was fun for the first time in three years because it seems that the best raya is the one spent with your whole family, no matter where that is. Speaking of, there's news that this may be the last raya with Bibik around. I hope that's not true. There's also news which involves me being a modern nomad again. Now that, I'm not sure about just yet. I'm just crossing my fingers and keeping on praying.


Happy Raya! =]



  • I'll be off to Brunei in a few hours and will be staying there for a couple of weeks.
  • So excited to celebrate Raya with my family for the first time in three years. Yeay!
  • There may not be any updates for the next two weeks but expect a pretty long one after.
  • Last words:
SELAMAT HARI RAYA
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

tengok bulan

sedang mata melilau gigih membaca nota
terpandang ke luar tingkap
bulan cantik malam ini

ANDAI INI RAMADHAN TERAKHIR



andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu siangnya engkau sibuk berzikir
tentu engkau tak akan jemu melagukan syair rindu
mendayu.. merayu..
kepadaNya Tuhan yang satu


andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir

tentu solatmu kau kerjakan di awal waktu
solat yang dikerjakan dengan penuh khusyuk lagi tawadhu'
tubuh dan qalbu bersatu
memperhamba diri
menghadap Rabbul Jalil
menangisi kecurangan janji

"innasolati wanusuki wamahyaya wamamati lillahirabbil 'alamin"
[sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidupku, dan matiku...
kuserahkan hanya kepada Allah Tuhan sekalian alam]

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tidak akan kau siakan walau sesaat yang berlalu
setiap detik tak akan dibiarkan begitu saja
di setiap kesempatan juga masa yang terluang
alunan Al-Quran bakal kau dendang
bakal kau syairkan


andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu malammu engkau sibukkan dengan
bertarawih, berqiamullail, bertahajjud
mengadu.. merintih.. meminta belas kasih
"sesungguhnya aku tidak layak untuk ke syurgaMu
tapi aku juga tidak sanggup untuk ke nerakaMu"

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu dirimu tak akan melupakan mereka yang tersayang
kau meriahkan Ramadhan

kau buru.. kau cari.. suatu malam idaman
yang lebih baik dari seribu bulan

andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir
tentu engkau bakal menyediakan batin dan zahir
mempersiap diri
rohani dan jasmani

menanti-nanti jemputan Izrail
di kiri dan kanan
lorong-lorong redha Ar-Rahman


Duhai Ilahi....
andai ini Ramadhan terakhir buat kami
jadikanlah ia Ramadhan paling bererti
paling berseri

menerangi kegelapan hati kami
menyeru ke jalan menuju redha serta kasih sayangMu, Ya Ilahi
semoga bakal mewarnai kehidupan kami di sana nanti

Namun tak akan ada manusia yang bakal mengetahui
apakah Ramadhan ini merupakan yang terakhir kali bagi dirinya
yang mampu bagi seorang hamba itu hanyalah
berusaha... bersedia... meminta belasNya

wahai Tuhan ku tak layak kesyurgaMu.. namun tak pula aku sanggup ke nerakaMu.. kami lah hamba yang mengharap belas dariMu

"ya Allah jadikan lah kami hamba2Mu yang bertaqwa..ampunkan dosa2 kami serta dosa2 kedua ibubapa kami. dosa semua umat2 Islam yang masih hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia"

Amin.....

andai benar ini Ramadhan terakhir buat saya

MAAFKAN SEMUA KESALAHAN YANG PERNAH SAYA LAKUKAN

here's a big box full of expressions!


PERKASA dinner
August 15, 2009


i'm awesome! ahakz


I'm an awesome blog buddy. YEAY! I would like to thank all my readers yang gigih baca what I wrote (walaupun lately dah kurang frequency meng-update). Bagus2. Teruskan kegigihan anda ek. Because I'm nobody without you guys. Wahh.. ayat memang cannot go. Translate ayat Azim je pun. Haha. Speaking of, thanks to Azim for making me awesome. Ahakz!

Okay, enough thanks already. As usual, there's always a catch. So let's see what this one brings us.

First of all, I have to state 5 interesting things about Azim (since he's the one who said I'm awesome). Well, I've only known him since I joined Kencana Pawana so I don't really know much about him. But I'm gonna try my best. Hehe.

  1. He's a choreographer for Kencana Pawana. Cool eh?
  2. He's quiet but laughs a lot.
  3. His face can get really red when he laughs.
  4. He's a final year student.
  5. He was the former leader of Kencana Pawana.
Okay. I admit that I couldn't tell much. Most of it relates to Kencana Pawana anyways. But what can I say. That's where I know him. Hurmm... For the second part, I have to tell 10 things about myself. Although I've done this one before here, I feel like I'm in the mood to tell 10 other things about me. Here goes, I:

  1. Am currently in my second year at UMP.
  2. Am thinking of buying a pet tortoise and name him MOMO.
  3. Love bracelets. Especially wooden ones.
  4. Am currently enjoying dancing with Kencana Pawana.
  5. Dream of having my own coffee shop.
  6. Miss ice-skating so much.
  7. Wonder when I'll be going to Genting Highlands again.
  8. Have an autographed KoKen script. (Thanks to Daoz)
  9. Love beaches a lot.
  10. Am developing OCD. I think.
There's the 10 other things about me that you may or may not already know. As for the third part, I'm going to have to choose 10 blogger as my awesome blogger buddy. And they are:
  1. Lady Ramlah
  2. Lady Nayya
  3. Lady Mira
  4. Sir Bob
  5. Sir Syafiq
  6. Sir Rani
  7. Sir Daoz
  8. Lady Yuyun
  9. Sir Chuck
  10. Zahiril Adzim.
That's my 10 awesome blogger buddies. Thanks for reading through. Again. =]

THANKS FOR BEING US [the reply]

eQa | ramlah | nadya

This is a response post to my dear roommate, Ramlah's blog post titled THANX FOR BEING US.
We had a GREAT time that day. Then again, we have great times whenever we are together. So dear roomies, this is a post especially to say how much I appreciate you guys for always being there. For better or for worse. I LOVE YOU GUYS! And you too Nayya!

nayya

PS: Nayya is my ex-neighbour.

how to start your RAMADHAN

It's the first day of Ramadhan so my roomies and I decided to go break our fast somewhere out of the ordinary. Yes, the cafeteria food can be pretty boring. So we went to Tanjung Lumpur with some friends.

dilla | eQa | mira | ramlah

bro fi | wan | mal | bee


The eight of us got there around six and after booking a table and placing our orders we went to the beach.


I've been to Tanjung Lumpur a few times before but I've never been to the beach since we only came at night. So I was a bit excited when I saw the beach. You know how I LOVE beaches. So we played around on the beach and made full use of Ramlah's camera.






When it was about time for Maghrib we went back to the restaurant to break our fast. It was fun and we had a great time posing for the camera. Most of my friends are probably at home enjoying their first day of fasting with their families. Well, I can't go home this weekend but I'm sure glad that these people are here.


HAVE A HAPPY RAMADHAN EVERYBODY!



(more photos here)


why i LOVE night lab session:

1. It's freezing cold in the lab.
2. Using the instruments and machines is so much fun.
3. It feels like I'm in one of those CSI labs. (You know how much I'd love to be one of the CSIs)
4. Because of this instructor, Encik Anuar. Sempoi habis. Haha.


PS: I'm thinking of having a tortoise as a pet. Cemburu dengan Kamal punya April dan June.


ada orang kata..

"Luahkan apa yang terbuku dalam hati. Baru puas."
Bukan tak mahu. Cuma tak tahu bagaimana dan kemana.

mask on, everybody!

Last night all my classmates of K27 wore masks during our whole lab session due to prevention of the infamous H1N1 virus.
It made my spectacles go all foggy.
But as they say, curing is never better that preventing.
So mask on, people!
(I think I'm going to ask my mom to send some with the cute designs from Brunei)



and it goes like this...


gelang kayu


Susah juga nak cari gelang ni. Merata tempat aku pergi. Last2 jumpa. Agak lama aku pakai. Tak tukar2. Tapi kadang2 senang je tertanggal. Tak apa. Aku pakai balik. Lama2 rasa macam makin longgar je. Atau tangan aku yang mengecil? Bila dah tak pakai rasa kosong je. Mungkin dah sampai waktu aku cari gelang lain.


my head's about to burst out words


I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE LISTENING.
NOW I WANT TO TALK.
WOULD ANYONE LISTEN?


sweet!


Meet Naomi and Josh.
Also known as Taza and Husband.
They are madly in love.
This is my favourite story of them.
And this one too.


(and that's my favourite picture of them)


berkelah di berkelah



enTOURage menyePAGHETT

Here's how to make a spaghetti the ENTOURAGE way:

STEP 1: Make sure it's 1 o'clock in the morning.
THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP. OTHERWISE, IT WON'T BE THE SAME ENTOURAGE SPAGHETTI.

STEP 2: Make sure you have all the ingredients.

Spaghetti

Sauce

Mushrooms

ENTOURAGE also uses beef meatballs.


STEP 3:
Prepare/cut/dice everything that needs to be prepared/cut/diced.


STEP 4: Boil the spaghetti with extra patience.


STEP 5: Cook everything else together to make the sauce. (by 'together' I mean everybody must be there while cooking.)


STEP 6: Take turns to stir well. Make sure everybody had a turn.


STEP 7: Voila! Enjoy your Spaghetti a la ENTOURAGE!



YUMMY!


Daoz macam bermurah hati lately..hurmm..

I got one more thing from Daoz. Semenjak dua menjak ni dia macam bermurah hati je. Ada je benda dia nak bagi. This award is one of those things. Lama dah dia bagi award ni. Baru sekarang berkesempatan buat. Sorry for the delay ek. This is how the award looks like:




RULES:
1. Copy the badge into your blog.

2. State 5 interesting facts about the tagger.
3. State 10 hobbies/facts about yourself.
4. Choose 5 bloggers to receive the award and describe about them.

5 interesting facts about Daoz
1. He's also known as Daoz Doink amongst the enTOURage members.
2. He makes the funniest crazy-monkey face.
3. He also makes the best retard act.
4. He's very creative.
5. He got me my Flip Flap. Click here and here. You know you want to.

10 hobbies/facts about moi
I've done this before. Click here if you want to know.

5 bloggers to be awarded
Will be announced later. Still in the process of short-listing. Hee..

saye hapat hunge santek!

Thanks to Daoz, I got my own Flip Flap for free! Heee.. He mentioned it in his blog. We really liked the cute little Flippy Flap that flips and flaps when it gets sunlight. I wanted to buy one at the pasar malam that day but Daoz insisted that he only wants the one from Mesra Mall. (Padahal sama je bendanya. Ketidakfahaman di situ). So when he went back to Kemaman he bought two of those cute thingy and I got mine when he got back from Kemaman. Yippee..!


Arigato Daoz!


Maroon Memoir : Overdrive

Note:
Pictures of the wedding from the previous posts were taken by the bride's friend.
Pictures of the wedding in this post are from my cousin Ika's camera.
That explains why our faces are in 87% of the pictures from the wedding.

Subjects: eQa, Ika, Wawa & Mama
Photographers: mocQa, Chieka, Nudgey


i ♥ audrey hepburn.

i do online.

tabung kawen. (tq for clicking!)

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